


I Think I Was Meant To Be Next To You

by acindra



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: M/M, the not-a-beach-fic beach fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 22:01:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11090802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acindra/pseuds/acindra
Summary: “I really like you. In a “I want to hold your hand and your dick sometimes” kind of way.”(Michael takes Jeremy to see the sunrise on the beach)





	1. Chapter 1

Michael turned off the car and glanced over to the passenger seat where Jeremy had passed out.

A small smile played along his lips but it slowly turned to a frown as he took in his messy hair and the deep bags under his eyes.

It had been a week since the school play and neither of them were doing well. It seemed like Jeremy was ready to jump out of his skin at all times, and Michael kept getting intrusive thoughts.

Which is why they were here, at the beach, at the asscrack of dawn.

Michael leaned over to shake Jeremy awake but hesitated at the last second before making contact.

Frantic thoughts flew through his head- Would Jeremy be upset if he woke him up? Would he yell? Would he call him names again? Would he abandon him?

As the thoughts began to spiral Michael mentally- and physically- shook himself. He knew these thoughts were irrational and were mostly the result of Michael being left alone in his head for too long.

Besides, Jeremy was miles and miles away from home in Michael’s car. Short of stealing the car and driving back, he was pretty much stuck with Michael.

With that in mind, Michael resolved that he would be ok to shake him awake.

He gently placed his hand on Jeremy’s shoulder and pushed slightly. “Jeremy?”

Jeremy jolted awake with a low shout and a panicked expression, pressing himself against the door as he looked around frantically.

When his eyes locked with Michael he relaxed, breathing heavily. “Oh, Michael. You scared me.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.” he said, apologetically.

Jeremy sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I know. I’m just- jumpy.” His focus moved from Michael to what was outside the car. “The beach?”

Michael shrugged. “I figured it’d be nice to get away for a little bit.”

Jeremy nodded. “It was getting a little stuffy back home, huh?”

“Anyways where did you think I was taking you?”

“I don’t know, man. I wasn’t really thinking. It was like 2 am and you woke me up.”

Michael had the grace to be sheepish. “I- I just had to get out. It was like I was suffocating.”

“Were you having a panic attack?” Jeremy asked, concerned.

“No, nothing like that. At least I don’t think so.”

Jeremy reached over and squeezed Michael’s shoulder. “I get you. I’ve been feeling stifled as well.”

It took everything for Michael to not lean into the touch, but it was over quickly anyways because Jeremy was unlocking his door.

They exited the car and Michael came over to the passenger side, watching as Jeremy stretched under the street lamp, his eyes naturally wandering to the strip of skin that was revealed.

“Like what you see?” Jeremy asked, smirking.

Michael startled and had to shake himself again. “I’m a 16 year old gay boy, I literally can’t help it.” he deadpanned.

Jeremy jerked a side of his shirt up and stuck his tongue out at him.

Michael rolled his eyes and poked him in the stomach.

“Ow.” Jeremy complained, batting his hand away.

“C’mon let’s go watch the sun rise.” Michael told him, catching his wrist and tugging him towards the boardwalk.

Jeremy allowed himself to be led, and Michael conveniently ‘forgot’ that he was holding his wrist.

Michael followed the path of the boardwalk, until he found a suitably less-sandy section of railing they could sit on. He reluctantly let go of Jeremy’s wrist and they clambered up onto the railing.

It was quiet outside at dawn, the only noise was the rushing of the waves and the wind. It was windier than Michael had anticipated, and it only took a minute for Jeremy to start shivering beside him.

Michael nudged him with his hand and was startled at how cold Jeremy’s arm was. “Dude you’re freezing.”

Jeremy shrugged. “Shirt’s too thin.” he muttered awkwardly.

“Where’s your sweater?”

“Squip said I shouldn’t wear layers with this shirt because it looked tacky.” he told him, fingering the hem of it.

Michael frowned at the lost look on Jeremy’s face. “Here, take mine. I have a spare in the car.” he decided, tugging the hem of his hoodie up.

“You don’t have to do that.” Jeremy said, putting his hands up in a halting sign. “I can wear the one in your car.”

Michael shook his head, pulling the hoodie off and shoving it into Jeremy’s arms. “This one is already warm. You have, like, no body heat, dude.”

Jeremy gave him a long look before finally conceding and pulling the hoodie on. “Thanks, man.”

“I’ll be right back.” Michael told him, hopping down off the railing. “Don’t go anywhere.”

“Where would I go, the ocean?” Jeremy asked his retreating back.

When Michael returned to the boardwalk he had his spare hoodie on and a bottle of coke in his hand.

The hoodie was pale blue, covered in pokemon themed patches and was faded and slightly threadbare in places because he had worn it a lot in middle school. The coke bottle said ‘Share a coke with Jeremy’ and he had bought a few weeks ago it in a fit of pique with the intent to destroy but forgot in his car.

He glanced up and stopped in his tracks, stunned by the sight in front of him.

Jeremy was hunched up in his hoodie, his curls tousled by the wind, and staring pensively at the ocean with the beginnings of the sun rise in the distance. Apparently he felt his staring because he turned to Michael eventually with an eyebrow raised. “You’re staring, dude. Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” he said, then turned back to his thoughts.

Michael fumbled with the bottle and pulled his phone out of his jeans’ pocket, quickly snapping a picture.

Jeremy turned back to him, startled at the shutter noise. “Did you really take a picture?”

Michael shrugged, setting the soda down on the boardwalk and pulling himself up onto the railing again. “You told me to.”

Jeremy snorted. “I didn’t me- whatever.”

“I’ll treasure it forever.” Michael swore, clutching his phone to his chest as (in)sincerely as possible.

“Dude.” Jeremy nudged him with his shoulder.

Michael laughed and slung his arm over Jeremy’s shoulders and pulled him closer until they were squashed together so they could leech on each other’s body heat.

Jeremy struggled a little to get away but gave up pretty quickly when he realized Michael wasn’t going to let go anytime soon. He steadied himself with a hand on Michael’s leg.

Michael swallowed heavily when Jeremy made no movement to remove his hand.

As the sun continued to rise over the ocean, Michael cleared his throat. “I think...”

“You think?” Jeremy asked when Michael didn’t continue. “Did it hurt?”

Michael hummed instead of laughed at the joke and Jeremy grew concerned.

“Are you alright?”

Michael sighed. “No. I’m not. And I want to talk about it.”

Jeremy nodded, giving him his full attention. “What happened?”

Michael’s laugh was harsh even to his own ears. “What happened? You happened.” He stared adamantly at Jeremy’s head on his leg to avoid eye contact. “That stupid computer asshole happened.” he muttered, but Jeremy still heard him.

Jeremy squeezed Michael’s leg.

“I’m scared.” He told him. “I’m so scared, Jeremy, that one day I’ll wake up and you’ll just be- I don’t know, gone again.” He tightened his grip around his shoulders.

“Michael… I’m sor-”

“I know- I know. But I can’t help but think that I’m not good enough for you anymore.”

“Michael- of course you’re not “good enough” for me!”

Michael felt his stomach sink, his fear confirmed.

But Jeremy wasn’t finished speaking. “You’re way beyond “good enough.” Hell you’re probably beyond “too good” for me.” Jeremy pressed up against Michael when he still refused to look at him. “I was so fucking shitty to you and you still were there for me- you even saved my life.”

Michael shifted uncomfortably. “Your dad had to tell me to help.”

“So? You still did it. That’s like saying it was all the squip’s fault for all the shit I did. I still chose to listen.” It was Jeremy’s turn to be uncomfortable. “Michael you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know there’s no way I can make up for what I did, but I still want to try.”

Michael shook his head, tears brimming in his eyes. “You can make it up to me by getting better.”

“Getting better?”

“You think I don’t see what’s happened to you? It’s like you’re lost without the squip.”

“I- I…”

“You still hear it sometimes, don’t you? Telling you to do things. Like not wearing a sweater because it’d be tacky with your shirt.”

Jeremy shrunk back. “No, not sometimes....” he stared out at the sun rise. “I hear it all the time, Michael. And half the time I can’t tell if it’s real or not. Sometimes I have to scream in my own head so that I can hear myself over it.”

“That’s horrible.”

“It’s worse when you’re not around.” he admitted. “Maybe it’s because it was always blocking you out or maybe because you helped kill it, but seeing and hearing you makes me more certain that I’m the loudest voice in my head. I-” he tilted his head, trying to find the words. “I see you, now, Michael. More clearly than ever before.”

“You mean because the squip was blocking me before?”

“Maybe a little. But that’s not what I mean.” Jeremy leaned into Michael again. “I know that… I don’t think…” He swallowed and started over. “I know that you like me.”

Michael stiffened. “Of course I like you, you’re my best bud!” he tried to play it off.

“I don’t think I deserve it.”

“Of course you do! Just because you’ve done some stupid things this year doesn’t mean I’m going to forsake all of these years of friendship. Not like-” he faltered.

“Not like I did, right?”

“That’s not what I-”

“You’re right thought. I threw it all away because I wanted to know what it was like to be cool. I knew what I was doing and I still did it. But you’re still here, and I don’t deserve it.”

“At least you’re still here, too.” A pause. “Geddit? Heere?” he sobered. “In all seriousness, though, I was worried you wouldn’t make it out of the squip situation alive.”

“Me too.” Jeremy admitted. He frowned. “That wasn’t my point though. I was trying to tell you I. Er. I um.”

“You what?”

Jeremy blushed and sunk down into Michael’s hoodie. “I like you, too.” he told him.

Michael blushed too and finally looked up to meet Jeremy’s eyes. “I would be worried about our friendship if you didn’t.” he said slowly, searching for Jeremy’s meaning.

“You know what I mean.”

Michael shook his head. “I’m not sure I do. You know me. Kinda stupid sometimes.”

Jeremy sighed, exasperated. “I really like you. In a “I want to hold your hand and your dick sometimes” kind of way.”

Michael’s blushed harder. “Um.”

“I’m sorry it took so long for me to figure it out.”

“But- Christine?”

“Yeah, I was so obsessed with Christine it kinda blinded me to you, I think.”

“No. I mean. What about Christine?”

“She said we’d be better off as friends, and I agreed. I was so star struck by her that I didn’t really see her for who she was. And while I think she’s really pretty and stuff, we don’t really match in a dating way.”

“What- and we do?”

Jeremy frowned. “Michael are you trying to convince me that I don’t want to date you?”

“No! Maybe? I don’t- I wasn’t prepared for this conversation, ok?”

“Well do you want to put it off, or?”

“No… I don’t think I’d ever be prepared for it. I’m sorry. I’m just having a really hard time believing this is happening.”

“You and me both. But a big part of it is the beach, for me.”

“Sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for? For bringing me out of our shitty town to a beach to watch a romantic sunrise?”

“It wasn’t supposed to be romantic.”

“Michael you gave me your hoodie. You literally have your arm around me. I think the only way it’d be more romantic is if we were kissing.”

Michael took a deep breath. “Do you… do you want it to be more romantic?” he finally asked.

Jeremy slapped his leg. “That’s what I’ve been trying to say, you dumbass!”

“Oh yeah. Real romantic. Physical abuse and name calling. Really gets me going.” he teased. He sighed. “Are you sure that you’re not just trying to rebound with me.”

Jeremy looked appalled. “I would never do that to you. Listen here, Michael Mell. I like you. I have always liked you. It just took a little while for me to figure that out, ok? I like you and that’s all of me talking.”

Michael held up his free hand in surrender. “I just wanted to make sure.”

“Be sure of this.” Jeremy said, leaning closer. He went slowly, giving Michael ample time to pull away. He pressed his lips chastely against Michael’s, both of them chapped slightly from the wind.

Michael was still a little shocked that this was happening, but when Jeremy drew away he chased after him so quickly that they both wobbled a little on the railing.

Jeremy pushed Michael away, laughing a little. “We should probably not do this on the boardwalk. I don’t want to fall and bash my head in trying to make out with you.”

Michael looked around for some place for them to go. “I have a car. We could do it in the back seat?”

Jeremy blushed again. “I- uh- I don’t think I’m ready for sex.”

“I meant make out!”

“Oh.”

They both broke into laughter.

Michael wrapped his free arm across Jeremy. “I think we’ll be alright, yanno? It’ll probably just take time.”

Jeremy nodded against his shoulder.

Michael released him and pulled away so he could drop back down onto the boardwalk.

Jeremy hopped down, too. “Let’s go make out and then we can get McDonalds for breakfast.” he suggested, offering his hand.

Michael took it and picked up the bottle of coke he had left on the ground. “Do you one better- Let’s get McDonalds, go home, and then make out in my basement all day.”

Jeremy grinned. “You drive a hard bargain Mr. Mell.”

Michael squeezed his hand and Jeremy squeezed back.

They’d be alright.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ Art by 2-player-gay ](http://2-player-gay.tumblr.com/post/162430330388)


	2. An ode to Deep Breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used to fall asleep listening to this cassette when I was younger and really wanted to write the scene I had for it in my head.

Jeremy was exhausted, emotionally and physically. Or at least that’s how it looked to Michael anytime he glanced over to the passenger seat.

He had told Jeremy that he could go to sleep since Michael was driving, but Jeremy wanted to stay up to keep him company, despite the brief lapses of silence where he nodded off slightly.

Michael thought he was being ridiculous.

They were about halfway home when he had a brilliant idea- he may not be able to put Jeremy to sleep, but he knew what could.

He popped open the armrest and dug around for one of his older cassettes, doing his best to only occasionally glance down from the road.

“Aha!” he cried out, startling Jeremy.

“What is it?”

“Deep breakfast. By Ray Lynch.” he replied smugly, putting the cassette into the radio console.

“Deep… breakfast?”

Michael shrugged. “I dunno, man. The names are all kinda weird.” he pointed at the radio console as the first song came on. “For example, this song is called Celestial Soda Pop.”

“Weird. So why are we listening to it?”

“It reminds me of the ocean.” Michael covered. “Soothing.”

“I see.” Jeremy replied, though the tone of his voice implied that he did not.

“Just listen to the music, ok?”

“Sure.” He settled back into his seat and let the synthetic music wash over him.

By the time the third song started up, he was fast asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like this fic, please check out the other 30 BMC fics I've written!
> 
> Not pictured:  
> Michael and Jeremy holding hands while Michael drives them back home.  
> Feel free to hit me up on tumblr ([ acindra ](http://acindra.tumblr.com))- I also made a crocheted doll of [ Michael! ](http://acindra.tumblr.com/post/161391774925)
> 
> [ Bonus George Salazar and Michael!Doll pic ](https://twitter.com/georgesalazar/status/880209460962185216)


End file.
